


the war is over

by gwenstcy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Finnpoe - Freeform, M/M, MINOR TRoS spoilers, Mostly Canon Compliant, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Slow Burn, Stormpilot, because I am incapable of writing anything other than multi chapter fics, finn and poe are hopelessly in love, the finn backstory we deserved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:07:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21929461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwenstcy/pseuds/gwenstcy
Summary: FN-2187 had stopped wondering who his parents were years ago, it wasn’t worth the pain. But then Finn met Rey, who never stopped looking for her family, who she assumed were still searching for her, as well. Then Finn realized he possessed the power of the Force and the spirit of inquiry was reignited within him. Did his parents have the Force? Were they Jedi? Sith? Then Finn met Jannah, a fellow deserter, who gave him many answers, but also spawned several more questions. That’s why he was packing his bags for another mission, not for the Resistance, not for the First Order, but for Finn.
Relationships: Jannah (Star Wars)/Original Female Character, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 25
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

Finn had never been so afraid as he was during the final battle. His own life had been at stake many times, more than he could count on his fingers. In the First Order, FN-2187 was disposable, merely a foot soldier, all the stormtroopers were. The Resistance was different. When a member was lost, it wasn’t just a soldier, it was a friend. That’s why Finn wasn’t afraid for his own life, but his friend’s. Amidst all the blaster fire and explosions in the distance, Finn kept his eye on the sky, where the best damn pilot in the galaxy was winning the war. At least, Finn hoped they were winning. 

~

Finn had expected cheers and celebration when it was finally over, but instead there was a stunned silence. He looked across the wreckage and into the faces of the fighters, all with the same expression that seemed to ask, ‘What now?’ It wasn’t until the planes landed and everyone raced to the tarmac that they seemed to realize this was cause for revelry. Finn struggled against the crowd as the first X wing’s cockpit opened and a triumphant fist pumped in the sky. Finn’s face immediately broke into the biggest smile he’d ever had, pushing forwards into the crowd. All that mattered was reaching Poe. Poe was immediately engulfed by the crowd, receiving slaps to the back and tousles of his curls. Finn made his way to the front after many stepped-on toes. No one seemed to mind though, not now, in this incredible moment. Poe was right in front of him, only separated by one layer of admirers and friends. Finn stopped, taking in all that was Poe. He’d experienced this feeling around Poe before, the pull at his heart, shortness of breath, but never had it felt this intense. It wasn’t long before Poe met Finn’s gaze, and his smile widened, if that were even possible. The crowd parted slightly as they followed Poe’s gaze to Finn. Everyone was looking at the pair, but they only had eyes for each other. Poe licked his lips before Finn let out a short breath and ran, closing the distance between them. Their arms wrapped around each other tightly, crashing into each other, nearly tipping over. The two laughed, Finn’s breath tickling Poe’s ear. 

“It’s over, Finn. The war is over.” Poe whispered and Finn’s eyes fluttered shut. He wasn’t worried. 

He had Poe. 

~

Rey was gone, to Tatooine. Finn didn’t know where she’d go from there, but he expected he wouldn’t see her for a while. He was still having to constantly remind himself that she was safe, the First Order wasn’t after her because there was no First Order anymore. That was a whole different idea Finn had to come to terms with. 

FN-2187 ceased to exist the moment he met Poe. From there on out, he was Finn and his past was accepted, or at the very least ignored by his fellow members of the Resistance. Finn had found his family, here. Still, he wondered. As much as he wanted to forget his life before, before Rey, before Poe, before Finn, a general, a hero, curiosity got the better of him. 

FN-2187 had stopped wondering who his parents were years ago, it wasn’t worth the pain. But then Finn met Rey, who never stopped looking for her family, who she assumed were still searching for her, as well. Then Finn realized he possessed the power of the Force and the spirit of inquiry was reignited within him. Did his parents have the Force? Were they Jedi? Sith? Then Finn met Jannah, a fellow deserter, who gave him many answers, but also spawned several more questions. That’s why he was packing his bags for another mission, not for the Resistance, not for the First Order, but for Finn. 

Jannah agreed to take Finn to Kef Bir, hoping other deserters could help them find some answers. It’s a long shot, she told him, but well worth it. Finn expressed his gratitude as often as he could, but Jannah always brushed it off, she was happy to go home and help Finn in the process. At the very least, maybe he would come to call Kef Bir home, join Jannah’s tribe. Finn wasn’t too sure about that, but didn’t tell her so. 

Fact of the matter is, Finn hadn’t been able to imagine much of a life without Rey, but didn’t think life was worth living without Poe. Rey reminded him so much of himself and he constantly worried over her. She was fun to be around when they weren’t in mortal danger (which was rare) and Finn had so much he wanted to tell her, to ask her. When he realized he was force-sensitive, Rey was the first and only person he wanted to tell. He knew she would understand and better yet, could help him figure out what to do with it. Finn wanted to help, to fight, even lead alongside Poe, but he didn’t think he was Jedi material and didn’t really want to be. He’d fought so much, for the light and the dark, he didn’t even know who he was. Rey was maybe the only person who could understand this. Poe was...another story altogether. He was everything to Finn. Poe had given him a name, an identity. He’d given him a jacket, the only thing he could call his own. Poe had given him hope, for a better life, a cause worth fighting for, a friend. Poe made him laugh, he made him happy. Finn felt loved and needed, which he’d had so little experience with it was no wonder he’d fallen head over heels. It took him awhile to realize it, but the second Poe was in real serious danger, where Finn thought he might not make it out alive, the feeling hit him, square in the chest. Poe hadn’t been in Finn’s life for very long, but Finn knew he couldn’t stand it without him now. He knew he’d miss him during this personal mission, but it was probably a good thing that they got a little space. Finn was starting to have trouble tearing his eyes away from Poe and keeping his mouth shut when it came to the fluttering in his heart, tickling in his stomach, whenever the man was nearby. 

“Going somewhere?” The voice made Finn jump, tearing him away from his thoughts. Finn was crouched on the ground over his bag, barely looking up as Poe made his way across the room, knowing if he started taking in all that is Poe Dameron, his greedy eyes wouldn’t be able to stop. Poe clapped his hand over Finn’s shoulder fondly. He was so casual with his affections.

“Oh, you really are going somewhere. Where?” Finn could hear the frown in Poe’s concerned voice. Finn stood up, Poe’s hand dropping to his side. Finn stood face to face with the other man, letting loose a small sigh as he finally laid eyes on him. He took in the narrowed brown eyes and furrowed brow of the man he loved. 

“Kef Bir, with Jannah. We’re uh..gonna see if we can find out who my parents are, or were. Where I’m from.” Finn kept his eyes focused on Poe’s expression, the widened eyes and arch of the eyebrows as he finished speaking. 

“Oh buddy, that’s great! Is it, um, just you and Jannah going?” Finn couldn’t place the feeling spread across Poe’s face.

“Looks like it. She wants to go home anyways, invited me to stay, even if I don’t find any answers.”

“Are you?” Poe’s voice was quiet, softer than he was used to. Finn was taken aback. 

“I, uh, I’m not sure. Depends on what I find out, I guess. Rey’s gone, what’ll you do?” Finn wasn’t loving this conversation, but he was unsure if Poe anticipated for them to go their own ways not, live their own lives. Maybe the war brought them together, but now even though it was over, Finn couldn’t forget Poe. He hoped Poe felt the same. 

“Do you need a pilot?” Poe flashed a confident smile, but Finn detected a hint of worry flashing in his eyes. Finn had gotten pretty good at reading him through his continued experience of staring at Poe. 

“You wanna come with me?” Finn struggled to keep the excitement out of his voice. He didn’t want to keep Poe away from his life, his real family. 

“Of course, Finn. I mean, if that’s ok.” Poe gave him a look, telling Finn all he needed to know. Poe needed him too. 

Finn simply nodded and wrapped an arm around the back of Poe’s neck, slightly shaking him in an excited fashion, emulating the touch Poe had used on him many times. Finn began to pull away as a smile easily lit up Poe’s face, but the other man pulled him in for an embrace that shook Finn to his core. Poe’s touches came so easy, it felt so natural and yet, at times, Finn’s body still reacted. He was reminded of the rigid posture of FN-2187, shying away from the touch. If Poe noticed, he didn’t say anything, but he did let go soon after. 

“I’ll start packing. See you soon, General.” Poe winked and made his way towards his room, leaving Finn standing in the middle of the now nearly deserted Resistance base. 

It wasn’t until Poe was gone that Finn realized the mess he had gotten himself into. He wasn’t going to be able to keep things secret any longer, much less from Poe. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Poe discuss past loves.

Poe had been flying hours, nearly nodding off at the wheel, before Jannah stepped in. 

“Don’t worry, the First Order may have been a terrible, planet-destroying, soul sucking regime, but at least I now know how to fly like hell.” Jannah smiled at Poe’s shocked expression and Finn couldn’t help but laugh. 

The flight had been much more difficult than expected in the aftermath of the war, debris floated across the atmosphere, making the jump to light-speed nearly impossible. Unless they wanted to run the risk of being demolished by a piece of a star destroyer at the end of their jump. Poe had been stiffly piloting their ship for hours, white knuckles against the wheel. He needed rest, even the usually stubborn pilot admitted it. 

“Fine, but I don’t need long, ok? I’ll be back soon.” Ah, there was the stubborn man Finn knew and loved. Poe loosely patted Finn’s shoulder as he left the cockpit, leaving Finn and Jannah to talk. 

“Is he always like this?” Jannah shook her head, focusing on the stars ahead. 

“Stubborn? Proud? Yes, always.” A smile crept up Finn’s face and stayed put. 

“Don’t know how you say that so happily.” Jannah grumbled. She didn’t seem too keen on conversation, needing to focus on piloting, so Finn thought to get some rest as well. 

He headed towards the small bunk section of the ship, thinking he’d slept in worse arrangements, but it was still difficult getting used to sleeping soundly directly above Poe Dameron. Finn expected Poe to be fast asleep, he usually knocked out in an instant, but when he arrived Poe was sitting up in bed, hands covering his face. 

“Poe?” Finn spoke before thinking, causing Poe to jump, quickly running his hands across his reddened face and then through his hair nervously. 

Poe attempted a smile, but it was more of a grimace. “Hey.” His voice was shaky, as it had been increasingly often lately. Finn didn’t have much experience with this, comforting someone. Of course, he knew why Poe was upset, it was the same feeling friends and families across the galaxy were experiencing now. Grief. 

Finn opted for sitting on the bed next to him, refraining from touch for the time being, but leaving the option available as an open palm in between the two. He knew he was putting too much thought into this, an instinct for most people, something that comes naturally. Finn had never really had to comfort anyone before though, not really. FN-2187 and all the other troopers were disposable. When a member of their legion was lost, they were simply replaced. Finn had never experienced true grief, he had never been truly close to anyone before. Now he knew what it must be like, the thought of losing Poe making him dizzy. 

“I know we won the war, but we lost so much.” Poe’s voice was small and Finn ached to hold him in his arms. He settled with draping an arm across Poe’s back with an unsteady grip. Poe leaned into the touch, resting his head on Finn’s shoulders, curls tickling his cheek. 

“I’m so sorry, Poe.” Finn didn’t know what else to say. It didn’t seem like enough, but no words could be. 

“I know.” Poe reached for Finn’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Even when Finn tried to comfort Poe, the other man still found a way to flip it, making him feel better. “They died for our freedom. They’d want us to enjoy it.” Poe smiled up at Finn and brought their intertwined hands up to his own cheeks, wiping away the stray tears. 

“I can’t sleep, but don’t let me stop you if you need to rest.” Poe was always taking care of him.

“Are you kidding? I’m wide awake.” Finn made a show of widening his eyes to a comically large size in Poe’s face, earning a chuckle from him. 

“Have you heard from Rey?” Poe turned to face Finn, dropping their hands. 

Finn shook his head. “I have a feeling I might not, for a while. She’s on her own path right now.” 

“So are you. Doesn’t mean she can’t check in, let you know she’s okay, see that you’re ok.” Poe shrugged, a twinge of irritation in his voice.

“I guess.” Finn didn’t know how to feel about this. Poe was right, but he wasn’t sure why he seemed upset about it. Finn wasn’t angry with Rey, he was used to her independence. It’d be nice to know if she’s okay, but Finn didn’t need her to tell him to know that. He felt it, when her life ebbed away. He could now sense where she was, if she was safe. Finn wasn’t completely in tune with the Force yet, but he could feel it in life or death situations. He’d know if Rey were in trouble.

“So...did you get to tell her what you had ‘never told her’?” Poe used air quotes, earning an eye roll from Finn. 

“Why do you care so much?” The remark came out with more bite than Finn had intended and a hint of anger flashed across Poe’s eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it, a thoughtful expression spreading across his face. “I’m just..curious.” Poe seemed to be choosing his words very carefully. “I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business. It’s just...are you sure you aren’t in love with her?” Poe raised his eyebrows and kept a lightness in his face that his tone betrayed. He sounded spiteful, angry, as if he really believed Finn were lying to him. 

“She’s like my sister. I love her, like. a. sister. I’ve never had romantic feelings for her.” Finn delivered his words deliberately, searching Poe’s face for a reaction, but found none. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t told him all of this before. 

“What about you and Zori?” Finn raised his eyebrows dramatically, mocking Poe. 

Poe laughed. “We were never a thing.” Finn narrowed his eyes in disbelief. 

“You asked to kiss her. Twice.” Finn nodded his head towards Poe with a knowing look, dramatically rolling his eyes, doing his best to keep a serious conversation light. Friends cared about this sort of thing, right? It wasn’t odd that they both seemed to care so much? 

“It’s a joke we had, back in my spice running days. Whenever we were together, people would always assume we were a couple, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. I would always ask for a kiss whenever that happened, jokingly. Then I just started doing it all of the time, I thought I was hilarious.” Poe smiled at Finn, who still didn’t look convinced.

“Look, there’s no way we could’ve been together, she’s not my type. At all.” Finn nodded, still looking a little unsure, but Poe wasn’t going to say anything else on the matter.

After a moment of silence, Finn worked up the nerve to ask, “Have you ever been in love?” 

There was a deeper silence that followed, Poe looked at Finn with an expression he didn’t understand. It was as if Poe was trying to convey something to him through his eyes rather than his words. Finn wondered what that could be before Poe finally relented and used his words.

“No. I’ve been with many people, but I don’t think I’ve ever loved any of them as much as I love to fly. At least, that’s what I’ve always told myself. I always chose flight over people. When things got hard, I’d just fly away. I’m not proud of it, but I was young and hungry. I didn’t care to make a real connection.” Finn nodded, unsurprised that Poe had ‘been with many’, but a little mystified by the fact that he had never fallen in love. 

“Have you? Ever been in love?” 

Finn nodded. “FN-1385. We weren’t even that close, really. They were the closest I had to a relationship in the First Order though, sneaking me extra desserts and smiles across the room. I have a feeling they deserted, hope they made it out okay.” Finn smiled a sad smile and Poe patted his arm. 

“I’m going to see if Jannah needs me to take over.” Finn nodded and began climbing up to his bunk for some much needed sleep. 

“All good, Jannah? Need a break?” Poe entered the cockpit, lazily leaning against the entryway. 

“Can you pilot for a few? I’m gonna see if this ship has any food.” Poe nodded and took the pilot seat, wondering about Finn’s idea of love. Desserts and smiles? That’s his first love? 

Jannah soon returned with a handful of dried sunberry, outstretching her hand to offer some to Poe, who downed a couple of the sour treats. 

“Jannah, do you know an FN-1385?” Poe tried his best to keep any trace of emotion out of his voice. 

“I’ve only heard of him. He took a stance against the First Order, refusing to follow direct orders and bring in younglings for the stormtrooper program, stripping them away from their families. He was killed for insubordination.” Jannah spoke with a heavy heart, but Poe couldn’t help his insensitive reaction.

“FN-1385 was a he? Finn’s first love was...a man?” Poe shook his head, taking his eyes away from the stars to glance at an infuriated Jannah. 

“Eyes ahead. It’s a big galaxy, Poe, lots of people engage in same-sex relationships. It’s not unheard of, it’s normal, really.” Her voice was firm and accusatory. Poe quickly backtracked.

“No, no, I’m not- I just didn’t know Finn was-” Poe sighed. This wasn’t helping. “I’m gay, I just didn’t expect Finn to be too.” 

Jannah softened. “You love him, don’t you?” It wasn’t so much a question as a statement, as if this were fact, written in the stars. 

Poe nodded. “Please don’t tell him.” He pleaded. 

“I won’t interfere. You two need to come together on your own.” Jannah left the cockpit, leaving Poe with his thoughts. 

Was it possible Finn might love him too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter, I love your sweet comments! More to come, I will update weekly :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn, Poe, and Jannah arrive on Kef Bir and the search to find the truth about Finn's past begins, but will it ever end?

Finn was woken up by a light shaking of his shoulder and a whisper of his favorite voice in the entire galaxy. 

“Finn? We’re here.” Fear settled in his chest. What if he didn’t find anything? What if he didn’t like what he found? What if his family was dead? The what if’s were endless and Finn tried his best to shake the thoughts out of his mind. They did him no good now, he would deal with the truth when he found it.

Finn fluttered his eyes open to look at Poe and his heart instantly lightened at the dreamy look on his face. Poe’s expression shifted after a moment, hardened. 

“I’ll wait outside while you get ready.” Finn nodded and Poe left his side. He seemed to be acting strangely, but maybe that was just Finn’s overthinking mindset. 

Finn changed out of his rumpled clothes into the nicest looking outfit he had, which still looked like he was headed into battle. He’d acquired many things of his own since leaving the First Order; clothes, weapons, friendships. It was still hard to believe sometimes that all of this was his, the feeling of soft fabric against his skin reminding him he didn’t live a nightmare anymore. Finn splashed some water on his face before heading towards the cockpit, where Jannah was landing their ship. 

Kef Bir was beautiful. Finn had visited many planets, as both FN-2187 and as Finn, but none of them held a candle to this place. It was all luscious greenery, rolling hills and undeveloped nature. Finn loved the water most, though. He had never learned to swim, so the waves would probably drown him, but he wanted nothing more than to jump into the ocean. Even inside the ship Finn could hear their crashing, a continuous storm of color and chaos. 

Poe nudged Finn, who reluctantly turned his eyes away from the water. The man pointed in the opposite direction, where a herd of orbaks approached, mounted by a few familiar faces. These warriors, who fought alongside Finn in that final battle, brought up a swell of emotion. Maybe it was because of these people, with everything to lose, did what they could for the Resistance, even though they had done enough fighting for multiple lifetimes. Maybe he realized that their numbers had dwindled and he regretted not getting to know the deserters who were lost in the war they fought on both sides for. Maybe it was because they were still here, for Finn. That thought was more than he could bear. He didn’t deserve all of this. 

Finn stared at the sight with his mouth slightly agape. “Ready to find out who you are, Finn?” Jannah smiled, rising from her seat and nodding her head towards the outside. Finn swallowed. No, he wasn’t. But he didn’t think he ever would be, so he simply nodded and followed Jannah out, with Poe on their heels.

Jannah was greeted by her tribe enthusiastically, the excitement of the war being over lingering. Still, it was evident that their loss was strong, perhaps stronger than their joy. Finn stood awkwardly at Poe’s side during this exchange, thinking of what Jannah had said. Did his past really define who he is, now? Rey chose to rise above her past, could he do the same? What would all these people think if his past betrayed the person he is today? Would that change the way people looked at him, or worse, how he thought of himself?

These thoughts spiraled in Finn’s mind until a man smiled at him. 

“Welcome back, General.” 

“Thank you.” Finn and Poe replied simultaneously, causing a couple of people in the crowd to chuckle. 

“There are more of us in town, hop on an orbak and let’s go.” Jannah smiled, already having mounted her excited orbak. 

Finn carefully climbed the creature, using Poe’s hands as a stirrup. Once he was safely on, he outstretched his hand to Poe, who hesitated before taking it. Poe wrapped his arms stiffly around Finn’s waist, keeping his body from sinking into the other man’s. Poe was acting weird, nothing new there, but he wasn’t one to shy away from touch. Add that to the list of Finn’s worries. 

They took off across the plains, travelling from empty fields into a humble civilization. Huts lined the dirt path as people and animals ran wild. Children followed the tribe further into town, laughing as they struggled to catch up. Many stared, few waved. Finn did not like the feeling of all eyes on him. Despite the cool climate, a heat crept up his body uncomfortably. Soon they reached what seemed to be the town square, where a large number of people were congregated, waiting. Finn leapt off the orbak, turning to Jannah with wide eyes. She mistook his expression for excitement, giving him a thumbs up. 

“Thank you all for coming here, on behalf of General Finn and myself.” Jannah projected her voice to the still-forming crowd with a professional demeanor. It seemed like she may have practiced this. “If you’re unsure why we’re gathered here today, let me be the first to tell you. This man,” She beckoned Finn towards her, who reluctantly left Poe’s side and faced the crowd. So. Many. People. “Is a hero. He is a deserter, like many of us, named FN-2187. We are hoping for answers about his past, his family, his home world, anything. You all know the importance of this information, it’s a part of our identity, who we were, who we are.” His identity? Did Finn not know who he was? How could that be right? “This place, this home, you people, it’s who I am. And I can’t imagine a life without that.” Finn was starting to feel funny. The heat wouldn’t go away, his whole body felt like it was on fire. Jannah’s voice was fading out. He had no idea what was going on, but her words verebrated harshly in his mind. He was no one without a past, a home. He swayed in his spot, his vision was becoming blurry. Finn was scared, he couldn’t breathe. 

“Finn!” Just when everything started to go black, spots blocking his vision, that voice brought him back. There was a hand on the small of his back, hot breath whispering in his ear. “Breathe with me, buddy.” Finn followed orders, that’s what he was good at. In, two,three, four, out, two, three, four. “I’m going to sit you down, ok?” Hands began lightly pressing him to the floor, but Finn resisted when he looked up to find a million pairs of eyes focused on him. He shook his head. “Not here. Away from the people.” The same hands that pushed him down began to lift him up, pulling Finn’s arm around Poe’s shoulder, another hand securely around Finn’s waist.   
All the stiffness from earlier had disappeared, thankfully. “Ok buddy, whatever you want.” Poe slowly walked Finn away from the crowd. He tried to stop once they exited the town square, but Finn pushed on. They made it back to the outskirts, against the plains. Finn kept going, taking small, shaky steps. “I think we should stop.” Poe huffed, exhausted by all Finn’s weight that he was supporting. “Just a little further.” Finn could hear the water. Finally, they crested a hill and Finn could see the ocean. He dropped onto the grass. 

“Finn!” Poe placed a hand on Finn’s lower back, propping him up to lie across Poe’s lap.   
Finn could get used to this, he thought, wishing it could happen more often. A pang hit his chest though as he was reminded why he was on Poe’s lap in the first place. He had panicked, an awful sensation no one should have to go through. His body was left weak, while his mind still raced with worry and fear. 

“I’m ok, or I will be.” Finn did his best to flash a smile to confirm this, Poe looked so afraid. 

“You scared me, Finn.” Poe’s face was clouded with emotion, an emotion Finn couldn’t quite place. Anger? Sadness? Fear? All of the above?

“I’m sorry, Poe.” Finn turned his eyes away from the other man, ashamed. He hadn’t meant to cause a scene.

“Hey.” Poe tilted Finn’s head back in his direction with his thumb. “I’m not mad at you, okay? No one is mad at you. I just wanna know what’s wrong. You don’t have to tell me now, but I want to make sure you’re ok.” Poe’s thumb held Finn’s chin in place, gently. 

“I-I don’t want to know about my past. I’ve found my family. You’re my family, Rey is my family. The Resistance is my family. What if my ‘real’ family is evil, or dead, or didn’t...didn’t want me. I just, I don’t want to be defined by a past I don’t even know about. Maybe I don’t know who I am. But I don’t want to.” Finn took deep breaths after letting this jumble of words fall out. He couldn’t take the way Poe was looking at him. 

“Oh Finn...I know who you are. You’re a hero to the galaxy, you’ve risen above the life that you were forced into and have become a symbol of hope for the galaxy. You’re my hope.” Finn raised his eyebrows, he didn’t expect all this. He wasn’t asking for sympathy and Poe was being honest. 

“You’re a fighter, Finn, but the war is over now. There’s nothing to worry about. No one is going to force you to look for answers, you don’t have to do any of this. But I think you’ll regret it if you don’t. And I’ll be there with you, every step of the way. Jannah, too.” Finn couldn’t help it, he began to cry. Finn shifted from Poe’s grip to wipe the falling tears away. His fidgeting caused Poe to lightly push Finn off of his lap, giving him the space he thought he needed.   
Finn shook his head; that wasn’t what he wanted. He grabbed Poe’s hand with trembling fingers, grasping for physical comfort. 

“I, uh, talked to Jannah the other day about touching.” Poe furrowed his brow in confusion. “No, not like--We talked about how we grew up in the First Order with touch as a negative idea. The only time I was touched was to be beaten, struck down by a commanding officer. ‘Touch starved’, I think she called it. I need to take comfort in those I feel comfortable with, she says.” Poe only stared at him. “That’s uh, that’s you.” Finn felt a heat in his cheek and turned his gaze to the ocean. 

“Lie down.” Poe spoke softly, but firmly. 

“What?”

“Just trust me, Finn.” He did. 

Finn lay on the grass, back firmly against the earth below him. Poe gently shifted his onto his side, sliding his body against the back of Finn’s. But that wasn’t all, no. Soon, Poe’s arms snaked around Finn’s torso, resting snugly under his chest. Their bodies were in sync, rising and falling as they breathed in the crisp air. Poe’s cheek nuzzled against Finn’s neck, curls tickling his cheek, bringing a smile to his face, a laugh rising in his throat. The laugh turned into a sigh when Poe’s hot breath hit the back of his neck, causing all the hairs on his body to stand on end. 

This was all he ever needed, Finn thought as his eyes fluttered closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Poe have a meaningful exchange and Jannah has exciting news.

Finn had never felt bliss quite like this. More than pleasure, it felt right, it felt safe. Poe’s arms around him, breathing together as one, everything felt as it should be. Maybe it was finally time to let go of the heavy burden he’d been lifting. He knew Poe would understand, but he had been too afraid of the man seeing him in a new light, even if it was a positive one. 

The Force. It wasn’t something Finn had a lot of experience with, until recently. He still couldn’t believe he had it. At first, it was a subject of excitement. Finn had thought of all the incredible Jedi he knew, some even personally. He wanted more than anything to be like them, honor the memory of the fallen Jedi. But the more he thought about it, the more fearful he became. Rey was constantly jumping from mission to mission, always in the face of mortal danger. She was so strong though, it seemed as if she was built for this. Finn didn’t feel the same way. Despite how far he’d come, all he wanted was a break. He’d gone from trooper to general, an incredible journey he wouldn’t trade for the world. But he was weary; tired of the pain of loss, his hands unclean with all the innocents he killed, including troopers. Maybe they were like him, simply a product of obedience and a life they had never asked for. And Finn had killed them.   
These thoughts led to many sleepless nights. So. Many. People. Dead. It was a war, people died, Finn was no more to blame than anyone else. This was little consolation as one person dead at his hands was one too many. 

He just needed time. Maybe one day, one day he would be a Jedi of epic proportions, living up to those before him, those who died fighting for what they believed in. And as much as Finn believed in the Resistance and bringing peace to the galaxy, he didn’t believe in himself. 

“Feelin’ better, bud?” Poe’s breath hit right behind Finn’s left ear, sending a shiver down his spine. 

“Yes.” For now, Finn thought. He was worried Poe would pull away when Finn replied, but the man made no motion to do so. 

And then there was Poe. This one thought had been nagging at him since Finn learned he had the incredible ability of the Force. If Finn expressed that he was a Jedi, he’d be encouraged to study, train, fight, just like Rey. He’d be secluded, trained far, far away from any semblance of civilization. He’d be away from Poe, for who knows how long. He couldn’t stand to be away from the guy for a couple of hours, much less an indefinite future. Maybe that wasn’t healthy or okay, to rely on one person so much, but Finn didn’t care. Poe made him feel happy and safe even at the worst of times. He couldn’t let go of that, not for anything. 

Poe hummed, the vibration a thrilling sensation on the back of Finn’s neck. This felt like a dream. “Had me worried there. And don’t apologize.” Poe knew Finn well enough to know the words he had planned on saying before opening his mouth to speak. Finn had no idea what to say though, other than apologizing. Fortunately, Poe wasn’t done. 

“I want you to know how important you are to me, Finn. I don’t know what I would do without you, especially now, in the aftermath of this terrible war. I know we don’t always talk about it, but you’re always there when I need you. I want to be that for you too, ok? You can tell me anything, anytime.” After he said his piece, Poe nuzzled his face into the crook of Finn’s neck, their cheeks nearly pressed together. The touch made him dizzy, but not in an unpleasant way. He knew he had asked for this, the touching, but it was easy to pretend that they were simply in love, wanting to be near each other. 

Finn mulled over Poe’s words. It was as if he could read his mind, knowing Finn was deliberating over the truth. It was time. 

“I actually do have something to tell you, Poe. It’s-it’s kind of a lot, but I just want you to know--” Finn was interrupted by a yell across the plains. Poe and Finn untangled themselves, instantly in General mode, battle ready. They stood and turned to find Jannah galloping towards them, waving excitedly. 

“Finn!” She yelled as she approached. “News! I have news!” She was smiling wider than Finn had ever seen and once she hopped off her orbak he noticed tears dotting her cheeks. 

“Finn.” Her words carried weight as she took him in, shaking her head in...disbelief? Her eyes swam with emotion and Finn grew uncomfortable. No one had never looked at him this way before. 

“Jannah?” Finn was beginning to worry. Was everything okay? Jannah was smiling, but she was also crying, so Finn didn’t know what was going on. 

Jannah began to laugh, throwing her head back. Or was she crying? Both? Something was definitely wrong. 

“Jannah, what’s wrong?” Finn gripped her shoulders, trying to bring her back to reality. The laughing cry soon came to an end and Jannah was looking at Finn again with that heavy gaze. 

“Nothing, absolutely nothing. Brother.” Jannah wrapped her arms around Finn, who was still confused as to what was going on.

“What are you talking about?” Finn lightly pushed Jannah away from him so he could see her face, which now had a steady stream of tears falling from puffy eyes. 

Jannah took a deep breath before speaking, doing her best to compose herself. “Finn, you’re my older brother. You...you were taken from our parents when you were just a baby. I-I was hidden better...I wasn’t taken until I was ten.” Jannah waited for the words to sink in, but Finn was still in complete disbelief. 

“How do you know?” His voice was quiet. 

“I went to my house, our house, after someone remarked on how we looked alike, how you look to be about the age my brother was when he was taken.” Jannah reached a shaky hand in her pocket to pull out a crumpled photo. “This is you, isn’t it?” Finn couldn’t believe it. There were pictures taken of FN-2187 every year for his ID photo. But his records always showed one single photo, of a baby, far too young to be training for war. This was the same child. This was him. 

The world seemed to melt away then, all he saw was the beautiful girl standing in front of him. His sister.

“Jannah.” Finn’s voice cracked, wrapping his arms around Jannah, the incredible warrior he had felt a connection with from the beginning. He had assumed it was because of their similar past, not having any idea how similar their pasts really were. Their embrace was tight and meaningful, Finn had never felt this type of love before. He only pulled away when a question entered his mind. 

“Our parents?” Finn’s face was already lit up with the possibilities, but Jannah only shook her head solemnly. Finn’s heart sunk. 

“But I-I grew up with them, I have stories, pictures. You’ll get to know them Finn, I promise, and our home, and...me.” Finn’s grief was put to the side for a moment. He was being overwhelmed with information. He knew that never being able to meet his parents would be a tough idea to process, but right now, he had a sister. That was enough, that was more than enough.

“Can I show you around, brother?” Finn’s smile was so wide, his cheeks hurt. 

Then, he heard a small cough behind him. Poe. He had completely forgotten. Finn didn’t want to leave him, but... The two made eye contact and all he needed to know was transferred with one look, full of encouragement and pure joy. 

“I’ll catch up with you later, take your time.” Poe clapped Finn on the back, who responded by pulling him in for a hug. “I’m so happy for you.” Poe whispered into his ear. 

As Finn hopped on the back of Jannah’s orbak, he watched Poe fade into the distance, the town growing nearer, emerging behind cresting, impossibly green hills. 

He was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! lemme know your thoughts :)


End file.
